


To The One I Left Behind

by CosMochi95



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 12:53:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15143492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosMochi95/pseuds/CosMochi95
Summary: After 2 years, you finally found the courage to send him a letter.





	To The One I Left Behind

_**Levi,** _

It's been years how have you been?

Do you still have that colorful vocabulary of yours? Do you still curse and glare at people? Do you still knock Four-eyes just to get her to bath? How are they? How's Erwin, Hange, Eren, Mikasa, Armin and the rest of the guys? I miss them so much.

I saw you last week in the market. Your hair's still beautiful. Those soft raven locks, I missed running my fingers through them. Your eyes, I missed looking at them. Years passed yet, you're still beautiful.

I didn't call you because that just doesn't seem the right thing to do... After what I've done..

Anyway, do you still hold your tea cup in a weird way? Do you still clean the castle until everything's sparkling and free of dust?

Ah, I shouldn't have asked the last part. I knew you're still the clean freak I met years ago. It was annoying how you want everything to be clean and spotless. But, that's what makes you who are.

This is my first letter to you. My first letter since I left. I'm sorry it took me years to send you this. For the first time in 2 years, I finally found the courage to wrote you a letter. I'm sorry for being a coward and leaving you like that.

I shouldn't have left you.

You must've hated me a lot. I couldn't blame you, though. It was **_my_** fault, right?

I could still remember your tear stained face. The sound of your voice breaking. The way you begged me to stay. The things you said.. They're still fresh in my mind.

You blocked the carriage, saying that you won't let me leave. You won't let me go. I could've stayed...

**_But I can't.._ **

You may think of me as a selfish and heartless bitch, but believe me when I say that I did not do it just for myself. I did this for the better good. And I hoped you understand.

Me leaving doesn't mean I've had enough of you. It doesn't mean either that I don't love you anymore.

You're still the same man we captured underground.  
You're still the same man who agreed to join the Survey Corps.  
You're still the same man who pointed a knife against my neck.  
You're still the same man who tried to kill Erwin.  
You're still the same man who lost his friends but chose to move forward.  
You're still the same man who became the Captain of the Survey Corps.  
You're still the same man whom I admired and looked up to.  
You're still the same man that I love...

A lot has happened back then... . I stayed as a Squad Leader as you go up the ranks. I was there when you became Humanity's Strongest Soldier and slay countless titans. I was there when you handpicked your Squad. I was there when Hanji kept on insisting you to catch a Titan for experiment. I was there when you beat Eren into a pulp inside the courtroom. I was there when he joined your Squad.

I could still remember when you told me about your feelings. I was skeptical that night. I froze up and my fingers turned numb. My heart was beating so fast I was afraid it'll jump out of my chest. I only stared at you and refused to belive that you like me.

There's no way that would happen, right?

That's what I thought, until you flicked my forehead and told me that I was gaping at you like a fish out of the water. I laughed, thinking that what you said was just a joke.

You stared at me as if I was some kind of an idiot. I really am. I didn't realize you were dead serious. The smile fell off my face as I saw you glaring at me. I know that face. You're pissed as hell. You raised your hand and I quickly shut my eyes closed. I braced myself for what's coming.

The time of my death has come. It's nice knowing you, life.

I said my goodbyes while waiting for your actions. I felt a hand at the back of my head, pulling me forwards. Something warm and soft descended upon my lips. My eyes shot open and my heart stopped beating.

_Is this really happening?_

Crap. I think I'm going to die. There's a whirlwind of emotions inside me. I couldn't think straight but there's one thing I'm sure about...

And that is I'm kissing you back.

The moment Hanji learned about us, she acted like a lunatic. Oh wait, she is a lunatic. She almost hugged me to death due to happiness. Luckily, you were there and stopped her from suffocating me. She even spread her arms to hug you, but of course, you refused with a disgusted look on your face. Erwin congratulated us, saying that he knew this is going to happen sooner or later.

Our relationship spread through the whole Regiment and became known inside the walls.

There were times when you would sneak into my room or the other way around. The stolen kisses, midnight cuddles, glances at each other and whispering sweet nothings and exchanging I love yous. I loved it all.

Who knew that Humanity's Strongest Soldier was such a sweetheart?

I wish we could've stayed like that forever. But, nothing lasts forever, right?

We loved each other unconditionally...  
Up to the point that it became too much.

One day I woke up feeling sick as hell. I almost threw up in my bed that morning. You were out in the Capital with Erwin and your Squad that day. Fortunately, Mikasa was there to accompany me and so, we went to ask Hanji for some medicine.

Hanji ask some questions and I honestly answered them. She did a couple of tests and it confuses me because this was supposed to be a simple test. I should've got a medicine right away. She better not be experimenting on me.

After waiting for minutes, she showed up with papers in her hands. Finally.

However, what she told me was something I wasn't expecting...

My knees were shaking, they won't stop bouncing. My hands were trembling and my heart's about to burst. The room was dead silent. Why am I still here? I keep on asking that myself. Ah, that's right. I'm waiting for you.

A yell from downstairs came, announcing your arrival. I immediately came towards the mess hall and saw Erwin giving you a pat to your shoulder with a smile on his face. He nodded at me, and I did the same. Just then, I noticed how everyone's emitting a happy and pleasant aura.

It started to make me feel nervous, I looked at you, trying to find my courage. But it made me more nervous when you smiled and walk towards me. You took ahold of my hands and that's when everyone started to cheer and howl.

_What is happening?_

Your right hand made its way to your coat pocket, taking out a small velvet box.

My eyes went wide.

You got down on one knee.

The cheers went louder.

You opened the box, revealing a beautifully made silver ring.

My head started to spin.

You opened your mouth. Your lips were moving but, I don't hear a word.

It seems as if I turned deaf.

It's overwhelming. A surge of emotions inside me.

You were waiting. Everyone's waiting. Waiting for my answer.

I retracted my hand from your hold.

Everyone's confused of my actions. Especially you.

My chest tighten. My throat went dry.

I opened my mouth to speak.

 

**_I'm sorry..._ **

 

Were the only words that came from my mouth. The room went silent. Your face fell. Surprised, shock, disappointed, dejected and betrayed. I can't tell what you're exactly feeling. But one thing's for certain.

I hurt you.

I turned my gaze away. I can't afford to look at your face. I can't take seeing your crestfallen face.

I briskly headed towards the door, wiping away my tears. A carriage was already waiting for me. I went inside, I was about to close the door but there you were...

Crying.

**_Stop. Don't look at him._ **

You were crying and yelling.

You grabbed the door and demanded me to speak with you. You were begging me to stay. Saying that we should talk things over and we can solve this...

You see.. That's the problem. We can't solve this.

I knew this wasn't fair on your part. You have lost people who are dear to you and I know that you're still broken because of it. And this time, I'm the one that's breaking you.

I promised to stay with you yet, here I am leaving you.

I got out of the carriage and you immediately wrapped your arms around me. You were hugging me so tight as if you were so afraid that I'll leave the moment your hold loosened.

I placed my palm on your cheek that seemed to calm you, making a distance between us.

I want to stay. Trust me, I really do. But, this time... I need you to let me go. You have to let me go...

For the last time, I pressed my lips unto yours sharing together a painful parting kiss.

 ** _Goodbye_**..

I'll love you as long as the sun sets and rises again.

Although it was tragic, this was my most treasured memory of you.

I'm so grateful for my memories of you. Even though we're apart, you'll always be in our hearts.

Always remember that I didn't to this for myself. I did this for us and...

For our son.

_**\-- (Name) (L/Name)** _


End file.
